Nov 6, 2015

Dating

Note from Mom
I had a great time in college going on many dates.  Sometimes I even had more than one date a night.  I know that in today’s culture that this would be considered “playing the field,” and that dating is a term used for more serious relationships.  I hope that you will be able to find ways to date as it was meant to be and be the example of what dating should be.

dating.jpg




What is a date?
A “date” must pass the test of three p’s: (1) planned ahead, (2) paid for, and (3) paired off (Oaks, 2006).


The ABC’s


Awareness
Current research being conducted at BYU-Provo shows that this acquaintance/awareness stage is one of the particularly frustrating part of dating.  “Annette,” one of our research participants, expressed that “the initial asking out, I can understand, can be hard for guys.  So. . . that’s frustrating, . . . like you’re sending signals, ‘It’s okay if you ask me out,’ . . . but it doesn’t happen because they’re not picking them up.”  And from a male perspective, “Joseph” says simply: “It would be nice if girls were clear about whether they like or don’t like you.”  These real-life responses indicate that both males and females wish the other gender would be more straightforward in their dating strategies (Holmon, Poulsen, and others, 2012).


Watch “Flirting Academy” from Studio C.


Buildup
Why is dating important?
Simple and more frequent dates allow both men and women to “shop around” in a way that allows extensive evaluation of the prospects. The old-fashioned date was a wonderful way to get acquainted with a member of the opposite sex. It encouraged conversation. It allowed you to see how you treat others and how you are treated in a one-on-one situation. It gave opportunities to learn how to initiate and sustain a mature relationship. None of that happens in hanging out (Oaks, 2006).




Commitment & Discussion
Individuals who do not thoroughly discuss the status of their relationship as it progresses and where they see the relationship going in the long run might be putting themselves at risk for an unhappy (if not short-lived) marriage (Holmon Poulsen, and others, 2012).

Watch "Too Many Emotions" from Studio C.

Other Resources:
We shared the BYU-I Dating Model from FAML 160, great video if you can get access to it.


Fun Dating Story:
See the section entitled “Application to finding your eternal companion”



References
Holman, T. B., Poulsen, F., and others, (2012). The ABCs of sucessful romantic relationship development: Meeting, dating, and choosing an eternal companion. In A. J. Hawkins & D. C. Dollahite & T. W. Draper (Eds.), Successful Marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives (pp. 16-26) Provo, UT: BYU Studies.
Oaks, D. H. (2006, June). Dating versus hanging out. Ensign,. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/ensign/2006/06/dating-versus-hanging-out?lang=eng

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